Today’s Post: The Thousand-Word Parody

And once again, my apologies, because this post has been brought to you by this screencap from the Esquire US website.

1) Yes, I went there.

2) Yes, I’ve waited *that long* for this picture to happen, and much longer for the cover photo as well.

2.5) Come on, folks! He’s smiling, for crying out loud! There is no guyliner involved! And the interview is mercifully cuss-free!

3) The only thing missing from this is me as his [girlfriend/wife/life partner/mother of his unborn children], but we all know that’s only happening in the parallel universe, right? Right?

That said:

4) I posted this on Twitter and described this picture as a summary of my yet-to-be-written (and hopefully unpublished for legal reasons) parody of the Fifty Shades trilogy…

5) Then one of my friends pointed out that the tie he’s wearing here looks like the one on the cover of Fifty Shades of Grey.

6) Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no no. 

7) As beautiful as the man is – and he certainly is, IRL – he’s way too height-challenged to even be considered for the role of Christian Grey. 

8) And, really, that face is never going to pass for 27.

9) Which only makes my yet-to-be-written (and hopefully unpublished for legal reasons) parody version ten million times more hilarious than the original… and, judging from what I’ve already read online, possibly better-written.

10) [insert double-entendre jokes about restraining orders and non-disclosure agreements here]

You may now commence the brain-bleaching.

Until I can get a hold of the complete text from my friend’s live-Tweeting of Fifty Shades of Grey (let’s just say that Benedict Cumberbatch won’t be playing any BDSM-loving business moguls any time soon, either), here’s a really awesome review of the whole trilogy on Goodreads..

Love, Stella

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Stella Torres

is the author of the adult contemporary romances Save the Cake, Crushingly Close, and Nine Years Away, as well as the short story “Be Creative” in the anthology Kids These Days: Stories from Luna East Vol. 1.

In her previous life, she has worked in public relations, taught English as a second language, and even attended graduate school (twice!). She has lived in Indonesia, Honolulu, and Quezon City before moving back to her hometown of Los Banos, a few hours’ drive (with traffic) from the heart of Manila.

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