Today’s Dispatch: Pants-Wearing Crushes of Yore

While the collective citizens of the Philippines have been clutching their collective pearls over my (pretend) boyfriend wearing cargo pants with his barong on a courtesy call with the President of the Republic, I have been going back and forth about how I’m supposed to write this entry.

On the one hand, I could talk about how I’ve joined a sizable portion of the English-speaking female population in crushing over Benedict Cumberbatch…

…but that would incite comments from Cumberbiatches all over the world who think that I have stolen their man, or somesuch, to which I say that I did watch The Last Enemy on PBS – and that one Marple episode that he was in – so I did not expect him to turn en fuego as Sherlock Holmes. Nothing to worry about, though, since I’m still on the fence about having them Cumberbabies while my (figurative) ovaries still belong to He Who Should Never Have That Problem with His Pants Again.

Speaking of crushworthy Brits…

First of all, why was I not informed about Rafe Spall getting cast in Prometheus? I like Fassbender just fine, and I actually love Charlize for being BFFs with my boyfriend (yes, I have no problem with that) but I know I’m going to spend the rest of the movie hoping that Rafe never gets red-shirted.

Really, folks. Just look at that mug. Why he insists on getting cast as stringy-haired louts with possible bad breath (ahem, One Day and Anonymous), I don’t know. Maybe he does his best acting in costume? And maybe he’s sick of those costume dramas that require him to look sexy and rakish, pants be damned?

He’s an interesting case, actually. There’s no denying that he is Tim Spall‘s boy, of course, and he does look like Heath Ledger from certain angles. Yet there’s something about Rafe that also reminds me of Cumberbatch, and not just with the coloring; I think it’s the sense that there’s nothing tentative about them, not just onscreen but also in real life – what you see of them is basically what you will get, eventually. (Are you listening, Tom Hardy?) And – dare I say it? – there’s something Renner-like about him, too, in the way that he shows up in a craptastic project and still come out as the best part of it all.

Plus I hear that he’s married, and a new father too… so, grown-up, and swoon-worthy.

Still and all. If he’s going to get red-shirted, then at least give him some considerable screen time and character development before he gets red-shirted. Please?

Love, Stella

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Stella Torres

is the author of the adult contemporary romances Save the Cake, Crushingly Close, and Nine Years Away, as well as the short story “Be Creative” in the anthology Kids These Days: Stories from Luna East Vol. 1.

In her previous life, she has worked in public relations, taught English as a second language, and even attended graduate school (twice!). She has lived in Indonesia, Honolulu, and Quezon City before moving back to her hometown of Los Banos, a few hours’ drive (with traffic) from the heart of Manila.

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