Over dinner with friends this past weekend (yep, same friends with whom I watched Les Mis), talk turned towards the unintended socio-political satire that was The Bourne Legacy. Yes, the ending was still unforgivable, but one of us had this really insane idea: What if, in the middle of that ridiculous high-speed chase around Manila, Aaron Cross had lost his footing and ended up… in the middle of a noontime show?
Seriously, think about it: Anyone who tries to kill a well-trained CIA operative on live television will only get crushed by the hundreds and thousands of folks who will possibly – literally – fight their way to get on camera. Any satellite operation that gets in the way of Eat Bulaga will earn the ire of millions of Filipinos around the world, an ire so powerful that it can take down every conceivable spy network- even the most shadowy ones – in the worst possible way. Plus there is no way Jeremy Renner is going to turn this down; boyfriend loves his karaoke – sometimes a little too much – so you know he’s going to want to sing something. Anything.
And we know the perfect song for him to sing here:
No, we are not horrible people. We just think that our version of the movie is ten million times better.