Normally I would have waited to post this until this blog’s “birthday,” but the end of this past year has brought me so many revelations that I could not help but post about them right now.
My words for this year? Welcoming Forward.
It’s not an easy task to be a welcoming person, especially for an introvert like me. My past year was easily filled with triumphs (I finished a book! I published it on my own!) but it also left me drained physically and emotionally, and I felt like I had to dig myself out of so many holes that were of my own making. It took a loss in the family and a few days away from the Philippines to make me realize that I’ve trusted the wrong people and welcomed a lot of unwanted attention into my life.
That’s the challenge for me right now: How do I follow that up with a year of welcoming forward?
It starts with knowing what I want in the first place. In my case, I have to draw up boundaries based on what I want to accomplish for this year. With my PhD, I want to wrap up my academics as soon as possible so I can move one step closer to my dissertation. With my writing, that means working on one major WIP and planning out my other projects for the rest of the year – including a short story and a collaboration in the works for the first half of the year.
But it’s not enough to just move forward, because I also have to consider exactly what I want to achieve by doing it.
First and foremost is my determination to get my life back on track. I can’t quit writing, and neither can I quit my PhD; I’ve already made my lifelong commitments on both of those accounts. Anything that takes me away from those two needs will need to fall away from me so that I can welcome more of what I need to move forward: the right love, the right encouragement.
And if I make mistakes along the way? I won’t give myself time to dwell on them. I’ll just take responsibility and move on.
That, for me, is the power of knowing what I want in the first place.
Life is too short and too fragile to waste time on the wrong people and the wrong efforts. I don’t want to be a coward anymore. I’m tired of putting myself in the hands of people who want to fix me. I want to clear the cobwebs inside my head. I want to learn how to draw lines in the sand, how to make more room for true friends and genuine courage.
I will not run cold. I will make room. I will move on.