You may have noticed that I had been quiet since the release of Nine Years Away. No promo, no blogging, nada. I can’t go into these reasons without sounding angry (and at this point I don’t have the energy to be angry) but when it came out all I wanted to do was work on the next book.
The next book’s going to be better, I told myself. The next book’s going to be more awesome than the last, and I’ll promote the hell out of it and everything.
There’s nothing wrong with moving on from project to project, but this whole sense of impatience was bothering me a lot. Why was I so hyped about this? Why was I telling people that I was going to write this story, but waiting until November to work on it? Why can’t I just work on something else?
Well, I don’t have the answers yet, so I won’t pretend that I do. But people marvel at the fact that I want to write again, and so soon.
It’s funny, because now, more than a month before my next attempt at NaNoWriMo, I can feel another upheaval coming, something that might disrupt the course of my life once again. And this time, I’m faced with the choice: Do I wait quietly until everything crashes over my head, or do I ride it out and plan my next move?
Oddly enough, it’s the second scenario that scares me more than the first, because I’m not used to drastic change. Then again, the crappy stuff in my life happened as a result of drastic change, and look where I am now: still waiting for the next move.
I think about that quote a lot–we’re all equal before a wave–and I think about the surfers lined up at the Pipeline, waiting to catch one and ride it out. I think about how each and every one of them have the same probability of being towed by the ocean and left for shark chum. Yet, all of them have the same probability of getting out of the ocean alive, regardless of their skill level.
I think about all the times when I’ve feared the ocean, of the times when I could’ve drowned. And yet, time and time again, I have to keep reminding myself that I can do this, that I can overcome my fears and ride this wave.
Maybe this time, I might.