Excerpt of the Week: Right Here, Right Now (FINALLY!)

And now… the first two scenes of the screenplay I’ve been writing in the last few.

[snip]

(Image credits: me, via Celtx)

What I like: The use of details to show where these guys are in their lives: punch stains on Adam’s tuxedo, Mel’s bridesmaid dress, Grant “smelling” like designer aftershave. The “triumphant” beginning was a deliberate move on my part; you could say that Pete and his friends are practically living in one of those teen movies where the geeks win over the popular kids, which makes the transition to Older Pete even more jarring.

What needs to improve: The adjective and adverb abuse, along with the lack of snap in the dialogue; there’s something morbid about Grant using Lauren as a way to cut Pete down, and more so when it’s later implied (too subtly?) that Pete was married to Lauren when she died. But I’ll find a way around that as soon as I get the first third of the screenplay down pat.

Got notes and suggestions? Interested in collaborating, critiquing, or editing? Post a message in the Comments box!

Love, Stella

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Stella Torres

is the author of the adult contemporary romances Save the Cake, Crushingly Close, and Nine Years Away, as well as the short story “Be Creative” in the anthology Kids These Days: Stories from Luna East Vol. 1.

In her previous life, she has worked in public relations, taught English as a second language, and even attended graduate school (twice!). She has lived in Indonesia, Honolulu, and Quezon City before moving back to her hometown of Los Banos, a few hours’ drive (with traffic) from the heart of Manila.

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